Tag Archives: building self confidence

The Little Things

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"It's more fun when you help."

My children are learning how to cook and are at the point where they can do a lot by themselves.  They've learned a lot and are turning into pretty good cooks.  In fact, I can already tell they're both going to be better cooks than I am.  They enjoy trying new dishes and they take pride in selecting and preparing those dishes all by themselves.  

That's why I was a little surprised when my daughter asked if I was going to help this morning.  We have been trying to find an easy and yummy biscuit recipe.  I found one on-line and we modified it a little then they started mixing everything together.  I was working and continued after finding the new recipe since they seemed to have everything under control.  

Then my daughter asked if I was going to come help.  Wow!  Of course I got right up to help.  The recipe didn't take a lot of work so the biscuits were soon ready to go into the oven.  Neither daughter said anything more about it being fun when I was in the kitchen, but I could tell they were glad I had joined them.  The biscuits turned out great and a few minutes later we were at the table enjoying our freshly baked biscuits.

After breakfast I got back to work and my daughters got started with some of their school work.  They always have some work that they do on their own such as math practice or reading.  I got to thinking how when they were smaller I had to spend a lot more "hands on" time with them.  We had a lot of fun when they learned how to count or write the ABCs and when they memorized our address and phone number.  They don't need me as they as much now as they learn and I'm glad.  I want them to be self-learners as adults, so this is a good stepping stone.

As I typed away on my keyboard I thought about how much they enjoyed it when I joined them in the kitchen this morning. They didn't need me, but they wanted me.  How valuable was that?  How precious?  How fragile? 

As much as I want my children to be self-learners as adults, I want them to desire a close relationship with me as adults even more.  I got up from my work and picked up a book from my reading stack and sat down at the table where my daughter was working on math problems.  She didn't need any help, but I thought she might enjoy the silent company.  Sure enough, as I sat down she asked, "Are you joining me?"  I told her I was and got a hug in return.  That was my confirmation that I was on the right track.  It seemed like just one little thing, but maybe it wasn't so little after all.  Hhhhmmm.  That's something I'll have to think about more often.

With all the "little" things that draw our families closer and warm a parent's heart, I wish you love and joy!


I Like Dora

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Well, not me.  I mean, I think she's ok.  It's my daughter who likes Dora.  The problem is that she has gotten "too old" for Dora according to some other kids her age.

Recently my daughter was invited to a sleepover.  She has told me repeatedly all about the plans for that night, who will be there, and what she needs to take with her.  There's been a lot of excitement about the event, so I didn't notice that she had any anxiety about it until last night.

We were in the car when a discussion about the sleepover came up again.  A sleeping bag is on the list of things to bring.  For some unknown reason, she had asked to borrow her older sister's sleeping bag a few days earlier and wanted to know if the answer was still yes.  She has her own sleeping bag; it has Dora the Explorer on it.  I remembered the request from a few days ago, but not what the response was.  Obviously each of them recalled a different response.  There were discussions about the Dora sleeping bag being too small, then the truth came out.  Somebody at the last sleep-over had asked if she still liked Dora.

Curious about her response, I asked what she told them.  "I said I did.", was the reply, but it was said in a tone that implied she had been a little embarrassed at the confession.  

My heart swelled.  It took courage for her to admit something that could lead to teasing.  She didn't know all the girls at that sleepover, so she didn't really know how they might respond.  I was very proud of her and told her so.  Even though she no longer plays with with her Dora doll or other toys, they were at one time among her favorite toys.  We talked a little about peer pressure.  And I offered to let her take one of the other sleeping bags that we have instead, if she doesn't want to take the Dora sleeping bag.

It really doesn't matter to me if she chooses to take the Dora sleeping bag or a different one.  I do hope that she won't do what so many of us have done and slough off the enjoyments of her childhood too easily.  Although our tastes and preferences can change as we grow up, I think all too often we give up those things that we really enjoy because we think they're too childish.  Or we think that we need to be busy with more "sophisticated" or "important" things.

I think that can just be the first step to becoming an adult who lives her life trying to live up to someone else's standards instead of being ourselves.  It's really easy to do that as a parent.  As a mother there is so much pressure to be the best mother possible.  We get all kinds of conflicting advice from family, friends, and the media.  Even the so-called experts don't agree on childbirth, breast-feeding, discipline, education, and so on.  No wonder there's so much confusion and guilt!

We can't save our children from the questions and comments that will be lobbed their way as they go through life.  But we can encourage them to be true to themselves and, honest in their responses, and courageous in their stands.  And we can set the example by being honest about who we are and what makes us happy.  Enjoy your day!